What happens when you put a schizoid in a “thrilling” situation?
I honestly don’t know for schizoidS, but I can share with you the recent skydiving experience of your schizoid truly;-)
It really did not started as an experimentation of any kind, I went there open minded, more curious than anything else. But the way things played out, I thought it will be a good “scientific” kind of factual demonstration…
So picture this: 10 people skydiving for the first time. The occasion was given by a coworker, skydiver since 4 years now, and organizing a jump for the 40th birthday of one of his acquaintances. My wife always wanted to tried it, so two weeks ago I decided to put our names on the list.
Last Saturday, 12pm, a bunch of people, some I know from work, some I don’t know at all join for that first experience. Nobody is indifferent. Some are scared, some apprehend it a bit, some are so excited that they can barely stop laughing, others hide behind jokes (but I can feel their apprehension behind that shell of confidence, easily even). Me of course I am not at ease… Nothing to do with jumping though, but 10 people plus their relatives coming to witness the event, that is more than enough to occupy my brain during the wait.
Level of apprehension: I honestly did not think about it during the week. Friday evening I started thinking of it because it was going to change a bit my night and morning habits. The field is a good 2 hours drive away, and I won’t be able to have my customary late -very late- Friday night…
On Saturday morning, my wife is driving (like in life, she likes to be in control in a car). Which left me plenty of time to let my mind go. And there was not a lot of parachuting involved. I cleared my last song lyrics, got two new ideas for a short story, and calculated the time of our descent to come based on relative height of the jump, maximum free fall speed, surface of the canopy, etc… I came at about just under 4 minutes (turns out I was very close).
How it works: A little video to put all future jumpers in the mood, then basic training on the exit, free fall position, and landing. Then we split in three loads so that other skydivers can use the plane as well. I end up in the second group, my wife in the third, which is fine, it ensure one of us is always on the ground to take care of our daughter (who has been a pearl, patience of an angel). Then each individual goes with his or her instructor for final training on the tandem jump and get to know the one who will jump with you.
How it went: I Scoop to the door, the camera man slides outside and stay clenched on the side of the plane. Too much noise to hear my instructor but I feel him pulling my arms, so I let go of the bar, wave to the cameraman and just let my weight go forward…
Definite moment where I think “hum, forgot to keep my hands on the harness for the exit, well, can’t very much wave and grip my harness at the same time, can I…” We are going down, I arc like I am supposed to, spreading my arms and legs slightly. We are going down, I mean really down… Heals over head, looping kind of thing, for a few seconds we are falling back first, probably not intended on my instructor part for a first jump 
He moves a bit and we rotate back, face down. Split moment where I wonder if my instructor is talking to me, but at that speed and with the noise of the wind, no way I can hear him anyway.
Have to focus to take a deep breath, then I see the hands of the instructor in my sight, he is pointing toward the cameraman that is coming toward us, I look at him, he stretches his arm, I try to grad it, but clearly miss some experience moving my body at 250km/h… My instructor guide my arm, I finally grasp the cameraman’s hand and the three of us start spiraling for a moment. Then the cameraman lets go, I turn my head to look at him and make him a thumb up.
Back to having to focus for a breath (just turning my head changed the way the wind came in my nose), but already my instructor gives me the “OK” sign, which I answer to with another thumb up. He is pulling the cord, I relax my body to take in the deceleration. Well far less harder than I anticipated actually, we are still falling, but way more slowly now, and in a vertical position.
The noise is gone, I actually see the ground for the first time, before that I was looking in front of me, for others, for the cameraman, etc… The instructor asks me how I feel, the only accurate statement I can make to him is “Peaceful”, he chuckles. He shows me the scenery, Niagara, Toronto afar, the lakes. Then he gives me the commands, we make a small spiral on the left, then on the right, the acceleration is there for sure but no more than a bumpy roller coaster.
We review the landing procedure, then he makes me decelerate the canopy, the sensation of being almost immobile in the air is excellent, touch me much more than the speedy and turbulent free fall part of the descent.
We turn a bit, finding the wind, then we land, nice and easy on our legs.
The cameraman rushes on us “So what do think”, I answer, nodding “Much more peaceful than I anticipated actually”. We high five each other while another instructor detach the canopy, then we split and I make my way back to the barracks, picking up on the way the goggles than someone lost in the grass in front of me.
I had been totally aware of the free fall part, (when discussing this with other, none could recall anything about the free fall other than a big blur - adrenaline kicking in - until the very end, just before the chute opening. Certainly no recall if they were falling face or back down) and the video confirmed our uncommon exit, everyone else went flat on their belly as attended for a first jump.
Afterward: 90% of the people experienced the “thrill”, between us let’s call it by its real name: Adrenaline shoot. And all the usual reactions to it were here: Over exited people (”Whouah, I’m HOOKED MAN, SOOOO GOODDD!!!!!!) Kind of thing. Just exited people (”Amazing, did you see this, did you felt that, and that, and oh, this and yeah that too, and…”). And sick people (nausea, head ache, extreme fatigue) due to the adrenaline withdrawal that can occur more or less quickly depending on the individual.
For some it will be a life changing experience (like my coworker that did it 4 years ago and is now a seasoned skydiver, with a very different attitude than before). For others it will stay a great experience, and they will even do it again, one day, maybe… And for others they proved themselves they could, and that’s the end of it.
Me? Well, I am the 10% left… No Adrenaline for me… Weird, because I know sister adrenaline pretty well, I experienced it many, many times, so I know it is not a chemical issue there. BUT, the more I think of it, the more it is clear that all my adrenaline experiences came from surprising moments… This was no surprise, I knew I was climbing in a plane to jump from it at 14 000 feet… My mind was clear, ready for new discovery, and adrenaline will not have helped one bit, quite the contrary, it will have spoiled the awareness of things.
So… What can we conclude in the all genetic / chemical imbalance / psychological scheme of things for SPD?
I’ll say it again, I know adrenaline and I know fear, if they were not present in such that extreme situation, it’s not because I am incapable of it (bye bye genetics). So was I particularly chemically unbalanced that morning? So that no particular hormones could run free? Possibly, but I doubt it because again, I am capable of those kind of rushes and it is very doubtful that it will not work properly just at that moment (it will be a pretty fabulous coincidence)… That leaves us with the psychological trait… And in that case, yes I have to admit it is the most logical explanation. With no surprising events, my mind was simply ready for this, and deep down never needed to rely on the deeper brain function to “get thru it”.
So here you go, draw your own conclusion, I have been as impartial as possible in detailing all this.
May 22nd, 2008 at 23:43
It’s insightful reading this article. I have what I’ve long suspected as OCD and I read about this personality disorder out of curiosity. I had a panic attack when I read “symptoms” of SPD because there were a lot of things that seemed to apply to me. I’ve been worrying I could have SPD since maybe April. This article reassured me it’s not SPD for me because I definitely feel this “adrenaline” (anxiety!) just Googling SPD. Though reassurance is bad for me, it was still a good read. It would be lovely to feel so peaceful falling from the sky. I’d be a nervous wreck constantly yawning (my habit when nervous).
May 24th, 2008 at 8:14
Well, I was sharing my own experience, it’s not to say others will get their shot…
Ask yourself if you are comfortable around people and social events, if you think you’ll get more nervous thinking of enduring a garage sale (like I am now) rather than jumping from 14 000 ft from a plane, then yeah, look more closely into introverted personality disorder like SPD.
June 28th, 2008 at 9:04
WOW! What an experience , I could never ever do that in a million years!
July 11th, 2008 at 16:43
Well, you know what Nancy? I won’t do it either in a million years… That’s why I did it now
August 3rd, 2008 at 14:52
Touche’