Well, my wife and I finally got that discussion. Turns out I was right; she did make some reading on SPD. So I explained to her those were “clinical” symptoms and where I was located in all that medical mambo jumbo. (she was quite worried about the lack of sexual drive usually tight to SPD, but when I explain to her that I could not force myself to make love to her if I was not feeling up to it, that I had never faked it nor will ever fake it, then she was reassured! [And I am supposed to be the male...])
See my wife she’s very intelligent and extremely pragmatic (there was bound to be reasons why we ended up together, don’t you think?) So with some down to earth explanations and zero emotional involvement she saw a glimpse of my reality.
I understand her late reaction. I mean she is highly empathic. So any physical or emotional pain I might feel, she will too, and identify to it, and try to help. But give her a husband that lack empathy and yet does not feel any emotional pain, and she is quite at a loss there…
So she can intellectually conceive part of my day to day reality, but she is noticeably incapable of “feeling” it, and that, she does not like at all… She is a thinker/feeler and misses half the information she would like to have 
At the end, I guess a husband that is not violent, is reliable, incapable of ever cheating on his wife, never drinks or do drugs, is never out with its horde of “friends” from college or work, is not a supporter of any kind of sports (she physically hate the alienation that comes with that), does not let his testosterone rule his life… Well it seems to be a fair bargain even if she does not have access to him as much as she will desire…
If I don’t make her feel special, it’s because SHE IS special, why would I fake it?
She pragmatically asked me if I will not be better off by myself (and I know she was aching when suggesting that) and I told her:
“Honey, I already know exactly what will be my life alone, no surprises there for me, I have played that in my head for eons, with no one and nothing to shift my behaviours, my life will be a straight line filled up with “déjà vus”. What I like is the unknown, the mystery of where WE will end up together… You bring balance to my existence because you act like a lighthouse, you show me things, make me discover things that alone I will not even consider… Knowing how much I value an open mind, I’ll let you do the math…”
Do I love my wife? I did not say it to her (it’ll come when I will really mean it, there we were having an intellectual discussion, let’s not mix those things, I don’t think with my heart, I use my brain…) So, do I?
I certainly love her more than most husbands that are in a 14 years couple relationship, and at least I know why, I don’t have to think half an hour to come up with an answer at “why do you love me?”…
The warmest of suns are not the bigger ones, as a sun grows; it gets colder and colder and finally perishes. My warmth is a tiny tiny sand grain, concentred to the extreme in my core, timeless and indestructible…
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