It’s not easy to be schizoid with a child. I am not a monster and I perfectly know what my daughter needs in terms of affection.
Since I cannot provide on a steady pace in that area, I came up with some strategies:
First: The “silly” Dad:
It’s easy to jump, say silly things, and do weird dances and funny faces. Of course she loves having a “silly” dad. As she grow up I shift a little bit towards sarcasms, counter truths and “questions out of the blue” this way she’s kept on her toes and her dad is present in her everyday life.
Second: The “serious” Dad:
When she started kindergarten, I became very involved with the homework (a little less now that my wife has more regular hours). It provides a face of seriousness and caring about school and activities there as well as her friends and teachers, a world she will navigate in more and more so it is important that her dad seemed involved.
Third: The “story teller” Dad:
This is OUR thing. Since she’s two years old I am creating a new story every evening for her (well excluding evenings where I am not here or when it is too late, on average it’s 275 to 300 stories per year). Of course it evolved from basic “good v/s bad” tales to full fledge sagas spreading over several weeks with hidden messages. Now days, she picks a main character (animal, fantasy figure, human being, plant, etc…) and a simple difficulty or problem the character will have to face, and I built on it. I now even push her to try and figure some solutions or plots in her story to build up her imagination.
This is by far “the bond”. If I was to disappear today, that will be how she will remember me: “My daddy was inventing a story for me every night”.
She is now seven and entering her phase of “role models”. I am being careful in my roles of silly, serious and story teller dad, adapting slowly to that important period. For sure she will not have a socially extrovert role model, but she should be polite, open to differences, and overall I am not compromising her being a “good citizen” one day.
Evidently will come a time where she will be able to tell her dad is a bit “off”, I hope by then she will have the fundamentals to understand, and that the link with the mother will have once again become strong, because I will not be able to deal in the matters of boyfriends and such with the emotional attachment a teen might be waiting for.
February 1st, 2008 at 15:43
Man, I wish I’d had you for a father.
February 1st, 2008 at 16:35
Appreciate it, thanks. I try to do my best.
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:53
You’re being a better father than most neurotypicals.
Bravo!
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:07
Thanks Ivan. It does not replace a warm hug or a tender kiss, I know it, but yes it is more than most children have. You know like me than when I kiss her, I realy mean it…