No it’s not Amityville, it’s my home… I was not prepared… Four to five visits yesterday and the same the day before…
Now I can deal with the occasional repair guy checking the furnace or the meters, as I am aware long in advance of his coming, and he is usually in one place of the house when I am in another for the duration of his work. But 15 minutes notice to get perfect strangers roaming in the entire premises for half an hour was a shock!
I could not block, I could not think straight, I could not focus, I even think I just panicked at a point (reading emails that I had already read previously)… I am not used to fake or use all my artillery in my own house, I am telling you it felt like I was 20 years back thru time, when I had poor control and was easily overwhelmed by people!
Hart beat up the roof, sweating, hands slightly shaking, cold along the spine… All long forgot symptoms that came rushing back at me for some insane reasons.
It’s been a sad reality check that a lot of SPD “features” come with constant struggling to keep them at bay. And that life is way more difficult for avoidants (which I even am not!!!!! Unbelievable…) Another proof also, that my “don’t care / can’t touch me / fully armored” attitude IS a defense mechanism… (it’s clearly not just chemistry at that point as I WAS FEELING pretty bad yesterday).
Anyway yesterday I was more prepared, kept focus on my work and all. Tonight should be peachy, but I now feel like a stranger in my own house (being careful when I pee, eat, shower…) always on the lookout like I will be outside. Let’s hope we’ll sell it fast!
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