Here we are at that crossroad again… I have picked-up witting, and noticeably those past two weeks I have put a few urban poetic texts together (mostly in french, sorry).
In one of them called “double nationality” I express my trouble coping with the changes to come, like “double nationality, feels for me like being a stranger in two countries“. Or ” Why can’t we have to hearts, one for your home town, and one for the magical city that welcomed you in your exile“…
My wife read it and even if the text by itself does not speak about family or me wanting or not to go back to France (it’s really just about how I feel I got no roots anymore, which is actually not even a bad feeling for me, ironically enough).
Then her reaction was: “It’s over! Since you seem more at ease writing the depth of your thoughts instead of speaking of it with the one that shared 14 years with you… I can’t take it anymore… Stay in you “magical city” alone I will go back with our daughter, you don’t need us as we are evidently a weight for you every single day…”
What can I say? She nailed it: YES it IS easier for me to WRITE my feelings down rather than TALK about them. And YES I don’t NEED anyone… When she’s right, she’s right…
And what did I do? I wrote another poem called “15 years”. How many women out there can say they are truly a muse for their husband like mine is? Too bad I can’t tell her…
And my thoughts as I write those lines are exactly: “what a bad timing, I have no more house end of June, the car is sold, and I have announced my departure at work, I wish she would have established that a little earlier while I had still something to keep me in my “magical city”, so next on my list: being a writer or leave for Sydney or for New-York… I guess I could write in both… Though I feel like writing in French, so maybe I’ll go back to Paris after all…”
Welcome in the thoughts of a schizoid…
April 25th, 2008 at 12:01
So that’s it?
Wife and kids gone and you’re just thinking about which city to move to?
April 25th, 2008 at 19:06
Ain’t like I can get emotional about it…
April 29th, 2008 at 5:55
Why do you need emotions to value your family?
April 29th, 2008 at 12:16
I don’t. And I do value the members of my family.
But if they think they will be happier without me, I cannot argue.
And it won’t make me sad if they leave, disappointed maybe, but sad… that is doubtful.
May 10th, 2008 at 11:29
I understand.
June 27th, 2008 at 16:52
Hi Jack,
Lost your link and just found it again recently. I was catching up and felt bad about this post. I have an idea (thanks to you) of how you feel about this and I also know EXACTLY how your wife feels. I can only say that I hope it works out so that all 3 of you are able to live your life in a peaceful way.
July 11th, 2008 at 16:35
Well we are in France now, with lots of things to take care of (administration, papers, jobs, home, familly…)
She was stressed out by the move, I was not… What can I say, she reacted to my apparent carelessness of the situation.
But when things got tough (like cleaning the house the night before the buyers took possession, and my wife was sick) I was there, as usual. Got to the hotel, put her and our daughter to bed, and went back to clean the house by myself…
We’re good now, thanks Nancy.