I’ve read a post on PsyForums where a teenager was wondering if he had SPD. A nice, definitively on the good side of the fence young man (not saying that because he is obviously a bit introvert). Made me wonder how many people think they could have a SPD…
So here is how schizoid I am (again it’s just me) so you can compare:
Thru ID-10 standards (all DSM-IV-TR criteria being included in ID-10):
|
ICD-10 criteria |
Me |
| Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affection. | The death of a very close person will bring me more administrative and paperwork issues than emotional ones. |
| Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others. | “Express” is the word. I do feel, can’t express it wilingly.2 years ago I had to write to my wife to tell her I wanted her in my life because the words could physically not go thru my mouth. I started stuttering and even crying as I was trying to force them out… (And I never used the word “love” in that letter, let alone discuss the letter afterward.) |
| Consistent preference for solitary activities. | Yes, my computers, my books and movies (theaters will require a separate post) are my world.You will never see me in a club / bar or any social event of the sort if my life does not depend on it. |
| Very few (if any) close friends or relationships, and a lack of desire for such. | Count of friends = 0 (for the past 17 years). But I am married with a daughter (if that fit “close relationships”) |
| Indifference to either praise or criticism. | See if I care. I do have so many certifications I cannot count them, you will NEVER see them hanging on my wall (A North-American trait I really CANNOT get use to, how arrogant…) |
| Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities. | Computers are just tools, not activities.In fact only one activity gives me pleasure: Fiction (declined into reading/writing, watching and playing).I almost lied. There is a second one: Running. (Alone, no group, no schedule, just me, my thoughts and good music). |
| Indifference to social norms and conventions. | I never ask “How are you” (could not care less) When asked that same question I always answer the truth (and not “fine and you?” like society requires) or “I was fine 10 seconds ago…”I don’t respect any dressing code, I wear what I feel comfortable in (I never owned nor rented a suit in my life), and had a management position for a while where I never wore a tie.I could go on if I cared… |
| Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection. | 100% I fantasize in the bus, in my car, when peeing/crapping, eating. I can even fantasize will speaking to others…Introspection as in looking toward myself and keeping to myself y, and bottling stuff up, yes. Not so much the “shyness” or “timid” interpretation of it, I can’t feel comfortable in social gatherings, but I sure can look like I am (no ticks or lack of eye contact, IF I want to, I usually don’t bother that much). |
| Lack of desire for sexual experiences with another person. | I was still a virgin at age 21 (And I lived in France at the time).Extremely erratic though. I am not driven by it and can go prolonged period of times without even thinking of having sex with someone (that someone will be my wife, 100% faithful), BUT in that case I will usually masturbate to release sexual tension.Or will be in a period I thrive on it and cannot keep my eyes of my wife. But as much as I fantasize, I could not bear doing it with someone else (because I will need some kind of emotional contact first, being somewhat of a romantic there)I am indeed lucky to have found my wife. Otherwise my sexual life will pretty much consist in making my right hand stronger. |
Thru standard psychologist/therapist “triage” questions:
Do you have close relationships with friends or family? If yes, with whom? If no, does this bother you? Nope. Doesn’t bother me the slightest.
Do you wish you had close relationships with others? No.
Some people prefer to spend time alone; others prefer to be with people. How would you describe yourself? I am a loner.
Do you frequently choose to do things by yourself? Always.
Would it bother you to go a long time without a sexual relationship? No.
What kind of activities do you enjoy? Fiction (reading/Writing, watching, playing) and running (alone, no group or club).
Do you confide in anyone who is not in your immediate family? Never (ah! I guess excluding this site though ;-) ).
How do you react when someone criticizes you? Most of the time I ignore that someone. Sometimes if it is not founded and utterly ridiculous, I push for an explanation from that someone.
How do you react when someone compliments you? Most of the time I ignore them, sadly there is a tendency to make that kind of compliments “public”, in that case I discard the compliment stating whatever it is I have done was just normal, nothing to get fussy about.
Thru specific Affects (summarized by pTypes from several book references):
Emotional coolness or aloofness (absence of warm, tender feelings for others): True. Not taking the ID-10 example again, so let’s just say that most of the time I am perfectly aware when my wife will need tender, or a hug, or just a hand on the shoulders, and I don’t do it… I just can’t it will be “false”. Hence, when I do it, I really mean it and it takes on a very special meaning for a simple gesture (that sadly only I can measure, since for others it is just a simple gesture).
Constricted affect: Yes, goes with above I think.
Indifference to praise or criticism or to the feelings of others: Yes, already discussed, I just plain don’t care…
Anhedonia: See here more details on anhedonia. This is the more pathological it can go with SPD, since anhedonia is theorized (not yet proved) to be tie to chemical and electricity “malfunctions” in the brain (noticeably Dopamine). Personally I think it will be “comforting” for some to just create a pill to put eccentrics back to normal (for those who desire). BUT, and big BUT here. I have close to zero affects of anhedonia myself… (I find pleasure in certain foods, I find pleasure while exercising [running], and I find pleasure during sex…) I do not however find pleasure into social interaction (which in find irrelevant as part as pure chemical/electricity study of the brain). Not saying SPD is not due to some brain “malfunction” (it always goes back to electricity, all of it, not just SPD), but for Me, sorry sir, no anhedonia there.
Shyness: I am far from being expressive and talkative, but I do not consider myself “shy”, “reserved” will more fit the bill. (which in return means you can be extremely shy, and just being that… Not having a SPD).
Distrust: How can you serious trust those in power when all they think about is Power? Oh sorry, a bit off-subject… Yeah I got a hard time to really trust someone (to do his/her job as expected, being able not to sell out, etc…) I easily go by that: I don’t put my trust in anyone.
Introversion: Yes, firmly turned toward my inner self. (Again, can’t stress it enough, does not necessarily means being shy or timid, if you don’t trust me, trust this).
Discomfort with intimacy: You are kidding me right? If I haven’t my wife, I will not even know what intimacy means…
Loneliness, intense loneliness: That’s what happens when you spend much time with or in yourself. I am aware of it at times, but I have never suffered from it (yet?). It is so easy to be alone in a crowd (and I so love it).
Anxieties concerning the mother-child symbiosis and other close relationships: Getting Freudian on me now? Yeah blame the parents, sure… Well no, I never had anxieties about my relation with my mother; I actually truly think she did an awesome job. I am faithless (so the only master of my opinions), critic (so curious of all things) and a free thinker. What else could she have blessed me with? Beauty and money? I would not trade believe me.
Feelings of utter unworthiness–but also of superiority: Goes with the territory, yes. When you analyze yourself constantly you come to realize you are nothing in the grand scheme of things. And you also come to realize that you are surrounded by apes who don’t know they have a brain slightly larger than a Bonobo and could actually use it sometime…
Self-consciousness and feeling ill at ease with people: “What am I doing here?” is in fact one of my most used though.
Oversensitivity: See! Told you! I cross posts sometime with people that so don’t believe me. YES, YES, YES, I am over sensible damn it! I have zero empathy, by I am darn sensible. Music, good movie scenes, and wonderful writings have a tremendous impact on me (and I am saying crying, feeling angry or desperate, etc…)
Destructive feelings: Doing nothing is often destructive. And I tend to do nothing. If my marriage were to be destroyed it will be because of me doing nothing about it. Other than that, no I don’t have ACTIVE destructive feelings.
Painful feelings: Yes, goes with oversensitivity as all feelings are not “good” feelings.
Overwhelming anxiety (or even psychosis): Yes, and nobody but me can tell you this since absolutely no one in my environment could remotely tag me as being anxious, quite the contrary, I’ll be most certainly seen as a cool, calm not worried kind of guy. Again it is an introvert thing, I am very anxious, but it stays in, never leaving the door.
Emotional distance: Yes, when you are as anxious and oversensitive as me, you HAVE TO distance yourself emotionally. (ain’t just a chemical thing here, there are both conscious and subconscious behaviors kicking in to equip myself with some kind of tools to built protection).
Inordinate guilt over masturbation: No, sorry, I am never feeling guilty about it. It’s more on the hygienic side than guilt side for me.
Fear of going crazy: Yes! And an underestimated affect of SPD if you ask me. You can’t think differently, be oversensitive, introverting, and being extremely conscious of yourself without foreseeing this. My most valuable possession in this universe is MY MIND. Take me anything but my mind!
Sensitivity to slights: Hum I guessed there is a typo (slights / lights), well in both cases the answer is no. I am not sensible to small things nor to light (I actually never own a pair of sun glasses except for skiing)
Social anxiety: Yes, I am not comfortable around people (though I don’t “fear” them), even less if it is a social event. One of my worst memories ever would be the FIFA World Soccer Cup 1998 back in France. I honestly felt violated, and I was home!! Such a display of humanity at its grotesque, I could not believe I was of the same specie…
Depression: Haven’t knocked at me door yet. But I am conscious that strong buildings are the first to come down, just a crack is enough to compromise their whole integrity. And the day there will be a crack in my foundations… Then I guess depression will be inevitable… That is why I am paying so much attention to maintenance ;-) (It is an everyday battle because the alternative: Depression + fear of going crazy, could be for a very, very bad mix indeed.) So “Never let go, never surrender” [Galaxy Quest].
So, are you Schizoid?
September 1st, 2008 at 4:23
yup, I am with you. more later.