A schizoid personality

It is against every single one of the fibbers in my being to express myself other than thru art or fiction. And as I wrote those very lines, my mind is pushing me to stop. Getting me reasons to actually quit, do something more pleasant, eat, get a candy, watch an episode of something, finish my book, anything but writing this… Just go back into my shell.

So why am I doing it? Because I want to prove myself I can? That will be peachy isn’t it? Little introvert trying to prove himself he is capable of expression into the world, reach at long last the realms of the society he’s been trying to be a part of for so many years, can he make it? Will he succeed in his wonderful lovely race for the truth??… (it’s so wet and beautiful, I am actually shivering, sadly I have to break the show as it is time for the advertisements)…

Back to reality: Truth is I know I can do it, I already do know myself extremely well. (Something being an introvert gives you is plenty of opportunities to reflect upon yourself.) So I have nothing to prove to myself, and even less to society. In fact, this site is simply: My ultimate tool!

Don’t you see? Well It’s obvious: “Look, I am so sensible, naked in front of all those strangers, all diminished, vulnerable…” And yet I so don’t care! (can’t touch me) Yes, this is gonna be my ultimate defence mechanism!

If you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to read the Disclaimer section. Never forget that I am lacking the most basic emotions most of you are feeling every day. So my endeavour with that site might bring me “too far” (for your point of view) and hurt some people. And I can’t really apologize for that either, since I honestly don’t care and don’t see the point of lying about it.

Related posts

• How schizoid? (10)
• About the author (6)
• Disclaimer (5)
• About the site (5)
• About (5)

The site is mainly a Weblog (Blog to go trendy) to open a window into my life as a schizoid. Sure there is some info on the Schizoid Personality “Disorder” and even more broadly on common personality “disorders” often related, associated with or mixed-up with SPD, so mostly introvert “disorders” as you will learn in the proper Personality Disorders section. But the site does not intent to be a reference of any kind. The field of Psychiatry is but mostly untouched by humans, we will probably visit space before having a full understanding of our minds, so being a reference is out of the question, it’s just changing too fast for once, and it is far to incomplete and immature a science to even pretend being able to have some kind of reference material. Nor by me, nor by anyone reasonable.

All this site is offering is but ONE view, a very personal and private view behind the wheel of what it is to be considered “disordered” by the society. And I encourage anyone serious enough to look for more material, other sources and testimony to build their own opinion. Mine is biased of course, but it will give you a chance to get the point of view from the inside, instead of studying something from the outside with material produced by mere spectators themselves.
You can go see the movie in any theatre you like, what this site will do is show you the “behind the scene”, the “making of”, the actor point of view…

Related posts

• About the author (7)
• Why the site? Why now? (5)
• Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) (5)
• Relations between SPD and the other Personality Disorders (5)
• Personality disorders (5)

Evidently the most related thing about the author is that he is schizoid. But that does not define me as a whole. Believe it or not being schizoid is just a part of who I am. I am not arguing that it is a very important part and that a lot is rooted by that, but all schizoids are not the same and it will be very restrictive to think that because some people share a common cell in a table printed in some shrink books, that they will all have the same personality… Particularly in the case of schizoids, for whom uniqueness is of the essence.

So that you better understand the blog and my thoughts it is of importance that you understand what the Schizoid Personality “Disorder” (SPD) is. Only then will you comprehend my specificities. Like the fact that I am married, very rare for schizoids, especially male ones. And not just married, but being with my special someone for now over 14 years (hands up for her being able to endure my lack of emotions) take that you “cannot sustain a close relationship for long period of time” shrink definition, I guess you did not think that it takes two people to have a relationship, and I found the one that can sustain it.

Of course being schizoid for as long as I have been (well really since always probably, thought you cannot be diagnosed a schizoid until after the end of childhood, when your psyche is suppose to be conform to the society standards) comes with other personality traits. Without being full blown “disorders”, my being schizoid comes with a side of Shizotypal, Anti-social, and Obsessive-Compulsive behaviours.

I am really not one to put people into tables, but I have to admit this one is pretty accurate. I guess it will be the object of a post to explain it fully. (added post here: “I have to admit“)

Yet again I am more than just the sum of those personalities. For example I am French AND Canadian (do not understand “French Canadian”). Having dual citizenship is merely relevant, but actually having lived into two different societies (and different they are, even if both occidental) is the kind of experience shaping a mind differently.

Take also into account that I have a daughter born (September, 2000) and raised in Canada (Ontario).

The ethnicity, age and sex are also important factors; I am Caucasian and born in December, 1970 near Paris (France). As for the sex, well you should already have understood by now that I am a male.

Finally: I did some things that might not seem very schizoid of me at first glance (being a journalist or a trainer or working in a shared office). Especially if you are looking for some kind of an archetype of schizoid. Know that I do not have Avoidant Personality (often associated with Schizoid Personality) which makes a big difference, and as always, I truly believe that life experience is full of surprises, it brought me in those places, which I hated, but I survived it. Plus, over the years I mastered a few neat tricks, I have my ways around people.

I don’t think the work you do define who you are, quite the opposite actually. Currently, I am a System Engineer (a geek that so happened to be able to do geeky things for a living).

Name is irrelevant (see if I care about prenominology) but I guess you might think it’s nice to know each other, of course I don’t, but hey, I can abbey by your rules… Name’s “Jack” or “Jacques” if you prefer the French touch.

Related posts

• About the site (7)
• Why the site? Why now? (6)
• We know the effects, but what are the causes? (5)
• Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) (5)
• How schizoid? (5)

This section will present you:

• The author
• The site and its purpose.

But first a quick site layout:

• The Blog section is the day to day ramblings into my schizoid life.
• The About section, well you’re in…
• The disclaimer section if you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to read it to understand the context. Never forget that I am might appear as lacking the most basic emotions most of you are feeling every day. So my endeavour with that site might bring me “too far” (for your point of view) and hurt some people. And I can’t really apologize for that, since I honestly don’t care and don’t see the point of lying about it.
• The personality disorder section will bring you more factual / medical information not only on Schizoid Personality Disorder, but on related disorders as well. I’ll try to dust the common misunderstandings as well like schizoid / schizotypical/ schizophrenia and will have a word about the “secret schizoid” (I like to call it the “social schizoid” as well) who shatters the common beliefs that schizoids have to be reclusive hermits to “earn” their title. Introversion can take many shapes, the worst of whom are not necessarily those sticking the naked eye…
• The Contact section if you have any enquiries, requests or technical issues about the site.

All along your journey here you will have access to several tools on the right pane and the bottom of the pages:

• At the very top an AUTOMATED TRANSLATOR (no miracle there) to help you if I switch from English to French some times. 
• The search form will let you conduct a search on the site content.
• The Pages navigator to browse the static content of the site(outside the blog).
• The categories hierarchy to access blog posts by categories.
• The archives to access older archived posts.
• The calendar to navigate thru posts by dates.
• The references links bloc, where you’ll find some referrals, medical, higher views on wht is pertinent to the site content.
• The Blogroll links bloc, where you’ll find the more personal sites related to the site, like other blogs or testimony.
• At the bottom you’ll have the most recent posts and comments showing if you want to quickly access the latest.
• Still at the bottom, the tags cloud will let you navigate the content thru tagged keywords and expressions.

Next

Related posts

• Pitfalls, common mistakes and misunderstandings about SPD (6)
• Disclaimer (6)
• Why the site? Why now? (5)
• The other personality disorders (5)
• About the site (5)